Sigh

As you all can see it has been almost a month now since I last posted. Since then I spent a week on vacation and a week with company in town. I have not been to the gym since the 21st of June and haven't counted my calories since then either. I have an appointment tomorrow with my doctor to see how my weight loss is going and I am terrified at what he will find. I am scared I am back at my beginning weight. My class is over and that has been my motivation since the beginning and with that over I have nobody here anymore. I feel so alone in this and am having a hard time getting myself to the gym. Since my friend has left I feel myself slumping into my depression again. I need to find some friends around here. Friends I can count on. I will let you know what happens tomorrow. Pray for the best but expect the worst...

My first 0

That is right my friends tonight I had the first chance to look at the scale and see no change.  As hard as it was I thought to myself "well at least it wasn't a gain." Currently we have alot going on around here and to be honest I am thankful I was able to maintain. I am getting stricter again and we will see how this week goes. Here is to a different day with different possibilities!

Catch-up and an update

So here we are, just over a month into this journey and I am losing momentum. I have seen progress and am excited about it but then I see the numbers and am confused. I crave protein and salt. The salt is what is killing me I am sure. I am retaining so much water I feel like a slushy mess. This week my goal has been to LOWER my sodium intake and see what  happens. I am still feeling like I am fighting those around me in this but all I can focus on right now is my life and the influence I have on my daughter. Hopefully people will see from my example and follow, I can only hope.

The first time I had my measurements taken was May 2,2011 the second time was just a month after that on June 1,2011 and the results are as followed.

June 1,2011
Total weight: 267
Body Fat: 38.5
Body Fat Weight: 102.8
Lean Weight: 164.3
Water Weight: 122.2
Protein Weight: 42.1
Triceps Skinfold: 40.2
Supraillium Skinfold: 33.9     Waist Circum 37 in
Thigh Skinfold: 43.3            
Hips: 51.5


May 2,2011
Total Weight:277
Body Fat:37.7
Lean Weight:172.6
Water Weight: 128.4
Protein: 44.2
Tricep: 42.7
Suprailium: 28.5               Waist Circum:  40.5 in
Thigh: 42.7
Hips 56in
OK so the numbers don't look bad for the most part. I lost 3.6% of my weight over 4 weeks. I think I can do better but that is what I got. My hips lost 4.5 INCHES! and my waist lost 3.5 INCHES. These numbers are progress but what confuses me is the fact that my body fat went up 2.1% as did my suprailium skin-fold (my stomach) and my thigh skin-fold(my thigh obviously) How am I losing weight but gaining fat. I hate the days I am discouraged. I hate not having a workout buddy. I hate being depressed. It is up to me to change this cycle. I am doing the best I can. We are weighing in tonight in my class so wish me luck. Share some encouragement and send your friends this way! I would love some more readers. Off to finish house work so I don't feel as guilty going to the gym tonight.

Today is weigh in day.....

<p>I have been at this for five weeks. One of which due to a family emergency ended up not going to the gym, and not eating as well as I liked. I am super nervous. Nervous of failure, nervous of letting people down, nervous that it will never be enough. Oh there is so much going on right now my mins keeps telling me to forget getting healthy, that I need to focus on everyone else, but I know better then that. 1 pound lost is better then any gained. I will keep you all posted.

I have decided....

In all of this I am going to be brutally honest. I had a very rough day yesterday and didn't want to blog about it but then I realized that the tough days and the days I feel alone, those days are part of my journey also. I had someone who is sick and very close to me tell me the other day that they have no interest in being healthy so to stop trying to give advice. It broke my heart. I went home that night and cried because I know that they know that a healthier diet would be a world of difference for them. I got in to it with my dear husband last night about stimulus control and about portion control. My class on Wednesday was on stimulus control and it couldn't have came at a better time honestly. When I came home after rocking the bike for 13 miles!!(YAY ME!) I came home to realize that the dinner that made 8 serving sizes only had 2 servings left. That had been eaten between my husband, daughter, and sister but I felt like there should have been more. I voiced my frustrations about him bringing a half gallon of ice cream into the  house due to it simply being a temptation. As selfish as it may be I don't want to have that junk in my house right now because then on days like yesterday that were emotionally difficult I won't cave. (Yesterday it was two servings of Fritos) So here we go. If you read this blog please let me know. As vain as it seems I want to know that people do believe in me. Thank you all for the encouragement that you have shared thus far. I am down 4 pounds. Its not much my friends, but it is a start.

Frustrations

This weekend we had visitors and it was amazing! I tried my hardest to stay on track and track even though I didn't like the numbers but I didn't do nearly as bad as I thought I would have. After my friends left we went over to my parents house with the intentions of offering to make dinner and it was nothing but a slippery slope. Started with a bag of fruit snacks, then a rice crispy treat, then some sips of Jon's soda, then some potato chips. If is in the past and I can't do anything about it but realize that I can not eat at my parents house. They aren't even kind of interested in eating healthy or having a healthy lifestyle. I need to get better at packing snacks for my family. So for all of you reading this what are some healthy snacks that keep and don't need refrigerated? Tonight is my Weight Loss class and my second weigh in. I am nervous. Scared I didn't do great. My goal this week is the gym. I SLACKED horrible last week. On to the future!

My first loss!

This is the first time in my life that I remember the scale going down. I would be lying if I said I didn't do a little happy dance out to the weights last night. 3 pounds seems so small but to me it is the beginning. It showed me I CAN do this. I didn't track my intake last week or workouts very well so this week I am starting new. I have done it before and am bound and determined to do it again. So here is to a loss and a new week with new goals!