Measurements on May 2nd, 2011

I have started a Women's Only Weight Loss class at the gym on Monday and Wednesday nights. My first class they weighed and did measurements. Due to the fact that I am in this class with older women who are trying to tone up I knew my numbers would be depressing and sure enough; at 5'5" I am 277 lbs.

My Waist Circumference is 40.50 inches
My Hip Circumfrence is 56.00 inches
My Tricep Skin Fold is 42.7 millimeters
My Supraillium Skinfold is 28.5 Millimeters
My Thigh Skinfold is 42.7 millimeters

I am not putting this here to gross anyone out, or to brag about my size but simply as a starting point. Cause we all have one, right?

LETS DO THIS!!!!!

Here we are again. 13 months later and doing it without my best lady friend by my side. I have hit my road block that I so often hit when it comes to weight loss but this time I am done. I started a class last week and totally sucked at the working out/eating portion of everything. After grocery shopping and crying because of the junk I ate I am starting today new. Starting this week as my beginning. So come along with me and help me lose. I welcome all advice, hints, tips, recipes and anything you all have to offer so help me LOSE!

Revelation

Tonight as it is 2:38 and I can't sleep to save my life I sit watching The Biggest Loser. Watching all these people discover the emotion battles and trials that they have went through to get to the weight they are really made me think. My whole life my weight has been something I have struggled with, whether it be because I was beyond skinny and killing myself or now to the point of obese and killing myself this way. While I was super skinny I dealt with issues aside from just my weight but my depression, struggling with overdosing in hopes of never waking up. Here I am now killing myself in another way. This week I had my gallbladder taken out, they weighed me and since the beginning of the year I have gained 20 pounds, seriously, 20 pounds. This has been weighing on my mind often this passed week. I look at my precious daughter and hate the fact that I never want to go anywhere because I feel disgusting, I feel like everyone around me is watching and judging me, I am simply uncomfortable. As I am sitting here crying thinking about what has gotten me to where I am I go to the kitchen and get a bowl of cereal, kind of cementing in my mind the fact that one of the problems I am dealing with is emotional eating. I am so tired of feeling sluggish and sleepy all the time but instead of forcing myself up and being productive I get up, get dressed, feed my daughter and sleep on the couch while she watches cartoons. I have such a smart amazing little girl but I am wasting my time with her, wasting it on the couch, wasting it laying around. As we have been having difficulties trying for another one I have discovered as exhausted and worthless as I am now how much harder and worse would it be on my family if I was pregnant. I am so sick of my back hurting, sick of my hips hurting, sick of feeling worthless. I am scared of failing, scared of starting something and simply not having the strength to finish it. I feel like I would be doing it all alone. I know Jon is behind me, I know he loves me no matter what I look like, but I hate that I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, even around him. It breaks my heart. My head is simply a whirlwind right now, I pray that I somehow will figure out what to do from here, how to start taking care of myself and not living on medication because I simply don't have the control to keep myself healthy. Please Father in Heaven, please clear my mind. . .

Don't judge me!

So it has been awhile, don't think I have fallen off although I have been falling behind it feels like. . . I am still going to the gym and watching what I eat (for the most part) I have been having soda(real not diet, can't stand diet) I have decided however that my weight problem and eating problems are emotional. I have had a rough couple of weeks emotionally and it has resulted in eating out, not pushing myself hard enough at the gym, and simply just not being on track. I need to get there. Back where I was when I started because that just felt great. We went grocery shopping so that is a good start. We let ourselves run out of groceries and that was just not smart. My newest goal is to make sure there is always something healthy in the house, get up earlier to meditate, and just be happier. I did go 10 miles on a bike the other night, that was AMAZING!

Not the best

This weekend SUCKED! I fell hard! Didn't excersize, ate like I used to, drank soda and not water. . . What did it do for me? NOTHING! Made me feel sick and sluggish, felt like I lived in the bathroom, and just disappointed in myself. I am getting back on track though! I can't wait to start meeting with a trainer, only 1 week.

Biggest Loser???

So a couple friends of mine have mentioned trying out for the Biggest Loser on NBC. I have looked into it for a bit but I would have to leave my family for a year! I don't know if I can do that. I would miss Jon and McKenna so so much. That would put us back another year on trying for another baby and who would care for McKenna while Jon was at work and school. I am ready to cry just thinking about it. I need insight people!! Should I apply or not?

Don't know what to post here. . .

So its been a couple days since I posted, I was thinking of making sure I posted everyday to see my progress and all that but for some reason haven't been doing so well. I just had to post about my lunch today, you see I have been really good about no fast food in the past couple weeks. Doesn't seem like a big deal but as much as the family and I used to eat out it is HUGE! I have cut my soda intake to next to nothing. Well today we went and saw Jon for lunch. I had a sandwich on ciabatta bread a couple curly fries and a small soda. I ended up giving the fries to my hubby and dumping the soda out so my daughter could have the ice. The fries tasted like nothing but grease and the soda was just yuck. Hubby says my taste buds are changing, I sure hope that is true. Although the sandwich was high in calories it wasn't even that great either. I feel better, haven't seen much progression but I know it will come. One day at a time, One day at a TIME!